Opportunities

I think that one of the difficulties with UC is that it makes you think that you are good at research/studying - and you may well be - and so it makes you think that academics is the path to follow. It doesn't really encourage you to look for a career in something "normal". That is not to say that academics are not normal, but there is so much more in the world. Maybe it was only my curriculum that had such focus or maybe it was only me assuming that if I'm good at something I should follow that path. Have I been lazy, not thinking enough about other options?

Now a conversation comes to mind that I had with Sali quite a while ago. Probably during the winter holidays. We were talking about my plans and I was telling him that I wanted to go to grad school and do research. And there's a sentence he said that kept on lingering in my head since then: "You are smart, you could do so many things..." By "so many things" he meant many things other than research.

For a while now I've been trying to figure out what those "so many things" were. Of course, I couldn't be a doctor. Or a lawyer. But there are still other things. Have you ever looked at how the jobs on online job boards are organized in groups? You would find groups for jobs in the areas of engineering, assistance, marketing etc. And, most importantly for me, human resources management. HR, baby.

I'm not a pro on HR, but I've had some experience with it. I know how important the management of workforce is. I know what it means to be called at 1 am. asking for a replacement because someone hasn't showed up to his shift (pretty workplace dependent, I admit, but it does require dedication). I know that people are difficult and that their problems have to be sorted out (after all they are not robots) - ideally in a way that it pleases everyone. I've read some literature too.

It is mindnumbing to submit applications. The steps are as follows:
1. browse job boards for hours and find ads you find interesting
2.a. apply via e-mail
2.b. apply online (jump to step #6)
3. write a cover letter (Here you may use parts of previous cover letters but eventually, by the time you adjusted it to suit the needs of the ad, it's hardly recognizable.)
4. ATTACH the cover letter and the CV (if you're unlucky, you'll have to write an English cover letter too, not a huge hassle, but time nevertheless)
5. send the e-mail
6. click on the link that allows you to apply online, usually takes you to the HR site of the company
7. spend 1.5 hours filling out details that are in your CV anyway (if you are unlucky, the system will log you off once it thinks that you have spent too much time on the application, and if you're pop-up blocker is working properly you won't even get notified - had that with L'Oréal)
8. rename and resize your CV and cover letters to match the acceptable formats stated by the website
9. attach CV, cover letter (possibly in 2 languages), picture (resize that too)
10. send the application
11. confirm that it was really you who applied via a link sent to your e-mail address.

Sometimes you just submit application quite brainlessly and sometimes you realize that this could be the place for you. One of these latter moments came about a week ago. The ad was just perfect. A big multinational company, an HR training program, long, half a year abroad, you get paid all the way and if everything goes well, you get offered a job at the end of the program. I spent at least 3 hours on the application. I wished they would call back. But they usually don't; that's how it usually goes.

Two days later I'm on my way to an interview when I get a call from the company. They want to talk to me. "Could you call later?" So, we agreed on a more appropriate time and they called again. "Do I have 15 minutes?" Sure. Phone interview in English, actually mostly about professional HR issues, I have to say a very smart move from their part, not actually allowing the applicant any time to prepare. 3 more steps in the selection, she says. The next one is a maths and reading comprehension test.

Maths and reading comprehension under time pressure? Sounded a bit like the GRE for a minute. And it was actually very similar :) Only that maths was mostly data interpretation and all kinds of % calculations and reading comprehension was logic. Long live UC's Argumentation Analysis course and GRE maths preparation!

I passed, by the way, with pretty good scores. 2 more selection rounds to go.

Today, when I was there for the test, the whole place seemed so friendly. It reminded me of another conversation, this time with Jean, the grad student from Brown that I had been talking to at the time of my phone interviews. She said something on the lines of that I'll recognize the right place, when my aims and interests and their profile will coincide and then it will work out. This really seems like the right place to me.

59.2

No, I'm not suddenly 59.2 years old. But I weigh 59.2 kg, which is absolutely fantastic! I know it's very girly to keep track of your weight but once you've been fat, you'd rather not go there anymore. Once you've been too skinny to do any type of exercise because you feel you could faint any minute, you'd rather not go there either. I had been both - skinny a long time ago and fat not so long ago - and one of the goals I wanted to reach this year was a healthy, nice 60 kg. That's approximately how much I weighed when I left for UC. So, every one or two weeks I stand on a scale and check how I'm doing. And here I am :) I started from 73.3 kg February 2007. One and a half years, 14 kg minus, not very fast, but it will hopefully stay off.

Now I'm off to the city to get a membership at the National Library of Foreign Languages, then I'll check whether I can still find a pair of good summer sandals/flipflops to buy and see with what conditions I could start to learn driving at the school at the Blaha Lujza Square. I should get some food from TESCO too.

I feel good today.

Push the button, a.k.a. the original "23" post

"A really good way to avoid having to write about how you feel and what you're going through is to write about what you're doing. Once in a while there must be something happening and providing a good enough reason to write a post. And once in a while there are occasions when you need to reflect on your life. Well, you don't need to. But it's smart to do that sometimes. New Year's Eve and birthdays are pretty great candidates for such reflection. And since it's not New Year's Eve yet, it must be my birthday. Yes, little Dia was born exactly 23 years ago on 31 August at 7.30 pm in Budapest with the help of a C-section. I didn't want to turn around. Pretty good intuitions for a 0-year-old... I was a smart girl.

My mother made me a cake. It was the first time in 5 years that I could spend my birthday in my home country. I can't recall her ever having made a cake for me. Maybe she has... I don't know. So, there were no candles on top, but I figured I deserved a wish, so I lit a candle next to the cake. And there was the big question: what to wish for? It's not that it would come true, just for the sake of fun. What do you want most when you get the chance to wish for anything?

My first thought was love. And the second was that I was insane. And I still maintain that diagnosis. F**kin' love? Love is self-deception. You're never going to find anyone who loves you (no, not only me, but also you) and only you. You're never going to find someone who will tell you the truth. You're never going to find someone who will not leave you. Because that's just how it goes. And you think that your partner is just that? Good for you. But you're going to fall so hard. Especially if you think that everything is just fine. It's all good, you feel loved, he tells you he loves you, you have plans, he doesn't act any different. And it's rotten.

So, here I am, 23, already cynical about the issue. Have you ever had one of those moments during your adolescence when you were hurt and said with total conviction "I'm never going to fall in love again!" It's not that moment now. The thing is... I'm not stupid. Of course I'll fall in love. No way to help that. It's just that I'm scared to death of it. I've been systematically pushing most people away who were even trying to get close. Let's leave the details and the methods aside.

My favorite part is when someone says "you're only 22 (23 by now), you're too young to have been heartbroken". Yes, and you are way too ignorant to even open your mouth, so please shut up. How the hell do you think you have the faintest idea of how I felt? Do you know anything about my history? Can you take my brain for a minute and experience what I experience for yourself? Then??

Well, well, I'm getting carried away...

So, love was off the list in a split second. It was one of those intuitive "oh, no, what am I thinking?" rejections. Then came the idea of a job. I have been trying to find a job for quite a couple of weeks now. According to a friend, I can start being disappointed at 6 months into the process of looking for a job. It takes a long time to find one. But then, being the practical-minded girl I am, who believes that she can achieve things via her own efforts, why would I wish for a job if I can work for a job and I can make them think that I'll be just the person they wanted?

And then there was nothing else. A blackout. And I blew the candle."

23

I started writing a post last Sunday, late at night, about my birthday. When I reread it, I decided not to publish it. Maybe I'll finish it one day, but right now I don't feel that I need to post a piece on love and screwed-up-ness and cynicism. It was good enough to write those things down, no need for the extra button press.

In any case, without any further reflection on the fact, I turned 23 last weekend.

The birthday apple pie by my mother:

Old "who and what"

Indeed, as a guest have noted this week, I updated the "who and what" section on the right side of the page. But have no fear - there is going to be a link to the section I deleted so that the readers can still find out the significance of these people and organizations. And I guess that as soon as there's going to be something permanent enough in my life to be mentioned, I will add that to the new list. Right now everything is a bit blurry. I'm looking for a new picture and even for new colors for the blog too... Change deserves change.


Jani - ex-boyfriend, we were together for more than 3 years.
ASIC - the All Students Interest Council at UC, in which I was Academic Advisor in the 2006/07 academic year.
UCSA Bar - the university bar on campus, where I was working as a chief/bartender voluntarily. I was the Human Resources person in BarCo, the group coordinating the running of the Bar.
The ETSI project - a project I was working on last year.
Psych Lab - I was helping people out as a student assistant, working with MediaLab and DirectRT.
Rosemary - teacher, tutor, boss and adopted mum at UC.
Frank - my Research Project and Honors Thesis supervisor at UC.
Floris - my tutor at UC.
Christel - boss, tutor and friend at UC.
Sali - ex-boyfriend, a great guy